Tuesday, April 24, 2018

National Infertility Awareness Week: Infertility is...

We never imagined we would be 1 in 8.

It’s so hard to find words for what I would like to share this week for National Infertility Awareness Week. There are so many different aspects & perspectives of infertility to be explored & talked about. Today I am focusing on the reality of what infertility is. Hope my words give a glimpse into the painful struggle so many couples endure as they strive to grow their family. 


Infertility is... 

Infertility is....a medical diagnosis, a disease of the reproductive system. It’s not something you beat by “just relaxing.” Infertility is...weeks, months & years of waiting...& waiting.
Infertility is...fighting with everything you have to make possible what comes so easily to most people. 
Infertility is...enduring month after month of trying, charting, poking, taking pills, praying & hoping only to be met with the disappointment of yet another “not pregnant.”
Infertility is...a burden shared by both partners. Infertility not just a “female problem.” Male factor infertility is very common.
Infertility is...grief. 
Infertility is...watching everyone around you welcome babies while your arms remain empty. 
Infertility is...answering, “not yet...” when asked if you have kids...then crying in your car on the way home because there’s nothing you wouldn’t give to be able to answer “yes.”
Infertility is...distance in your marriage & in your closest relationships. At times, infertility causes you to question God’s plan, His goodness & His love for you. 
Infertility is...walking down the baby aisle in the store & touching the tiny clothes as tears fill your eyes & yearning fills your heart. It’s avoiding the baby aisles because the anger & bitterness is just too much to face. 
Infertility is...altered plans, shattered dreams & broken bodies. 
Infertility is...hearing suggestion after suggestion of all the things you should try to get pregnant (all of which you’ve already tried, many times...without success). It’s fighting the urge to roll your eyes & walk away when the suggestions start. It’s never really knowing what to say in those conversations.
Infertility is...not knowing if you’ll ever see your husband’s features on a child or be able to experience the miracle of life growing inside you.
Infertility is...being told to “just adopt” as if adopting is simple or meant for everyone. 
Infertility is...nodding politely when being told story after story of someone’s cousin’s friend’s sister who did xyz to conceive. 
Infertility is...invasive procedures, needle pricks & trying ALL THE THINGS over & over...
Infertility is...being told “just relax, it’ll happen” enough times to make you lose your ever loving mind. 
Infertility is...hearing other people complain about their kids & wanting to scream, “I would do ANYTHING for what you have!” Infertility is...overwhelming unknowns, decisions you never wanted to make & medical bills that pile up too quickly. 
Infertility is...feeling like the odd woman out at baby showers & family events. It’s looking away & swallowing the lump in your throat when the conversation turns toward birth stories.
Infertility is...having the most intimate part of your marriage tainted with sadness & pain. 
Infertility is...a burden you carry every day...even on the good days, the weight of the wait is still there. 
Infertility is...a lonely, sad & hard battle. 
In a word, infertility is...devastating.

With love, 

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

The Final Countdown: Week 40 of Pregnancy

As of today, I am 40 weeks, 2 days pregnant! 

What a surreal feeling to be in the last few days of my pregnancy! Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve wondered, “is today the day?!” nearly every day, but this week is different. I know for sure now that if baby boy doesn’t come on his own before the weekend, I’ll be induced. It’s crazy to wrap my mind around the fact that one way or another, baby boy will be here by the end of the weekend!

I had an ultrasound today to check on our little man. He’s snug as bug hanging out with mommy! It was such a huge relief to hear that he is doing well. Since baby was moving well, fluid looked good & the placenta looked fine, I won’t go in for another ultrasound until Friday. If he hasn’t come by Friday, induction will be scheduled. Gestational diabetes doesn’t give us as much extra time as a “normal” pregnancy would allow me to have. Although I want to avoid induction if possible, my doctor & I are on the same page. I am thankful to have this extra time to hopefully allow baby to come on his own, but if he doesn’t, I feel comfortable with the plan to induce because I know it will be what’s best for baby’s well-being! 
We would love for y’all to join us in praying for baby to come on his own before the weekend. I know God has his hand on us both, and I am trying to rest in His plan instead of focusing on what I feel would be best case scenario. I would also appreciate your prayers for peace & rest over me. I’m balancing so many emotions as I wait for labor to begin! It’s hard to not worry about our baby’s well-being, although today definitely gave me reassurance that he’s doing well. I’m trying to stay patient, but there’s so much anticipation in my mind & heart as I wait for signs of labor. 
I would also love your prayers for me as I go through labor. Pray for me to remain strong & steadfast in my natural birth plan. Pray for Cary as he supports me & helps me every step of the way. Pray for baby’s health & for a smooth, complication free birth. Thank you for lifting us up! 
I’ve said it before, but I truly can’t say it enough...it has been such a blessing to experience pregnancy. Every day has been a beautiful gift & I haven’t take even one day for granted! It is so humbling to be experiencing something so sacred after years of believing that I never would. Thank you all for walking through this incredible journey with us. Thank you for praying for & encouraging me! It means so much. I can’t wait to share our newest miracle with y’all! 
With love, 

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Baby Momma Dance Challenge Video

Y'all, we had an absolute blast dancing & creating this video a couple of weeks ago! What better to celebrate being 38 weeks pregnant than by having a family dance party?! Hope you have as much fun watching it as we did dancing. :)

Click here to watch our Baby Momma Dance Challenge: Baby Momma Dance Challenge: Koch Family Edition 

With love,