Friday, November 7, 2014

Chaos & Peace

…the most prevalent theme in our adoption journey lately...

I wasn't planning on sharing this, but felt like I was supposed to. We are currently waiting to hear news about a situation we were recently told about. For 2 days my stomach has literally been in knots. I feel sick. I’m exhausted & exhilarated all at once. 
I’ve felt like this a lot over the past 8 months in our adoption journey but never to this extreme before.

“Could this be it? It is finally our time? Is this what you have for us, God? Am I going to be brokenhearted again? How do I keep all of these emotions in check? Help me to praise you even if the answer is no. Jesus, calm my heart, bring me peace, be with me in the waiting…”

I’ve whispered so many prayers over the past 48 hours. I find myself wide-awake in the middle of night, words on my lips. As soon as I open my eyes in the morning, I am uttering, “please Lord”…prayers & tears come spilling out in the middle of writing an email, looking in the mirror, making coffee.
I find myself literally holding my breath at random moments throughout the day. Every time I get an email, my heart skips a beat & I get an adrenalin shot of fear & hope all at once. Sitting in silence simply isn’t an option. My thoughts are too loud. Fear, hope, anticipation, faith, preparing for disappointment…my heart & mind are a huge swirl of different thoughts & emotions.

What’s crazy that in the midst of the chaos there is also peace…that’s the power of God working in me. This peace does not come from me, & is only possible because of the Holy Spirit. Over the past couple of days, I’ve heard God whisper His word to my heart. When I focus on His truth, the peace that comes over me is truly supernatural. I’m thankful He intervenes, is so present in our daily lives & cares about every detail of our lives.

(After writing this post, I felt like I was supposed to come back & add this: Maybe someone reading this needs to hear that God loves you. He is a present God. He is real & He desires to have a relationship with you. Do you have the peace of God in your life? Have you ever heard Him speak loving promises to your heart? Do you know Him in this intimate & real way? We were created for relationship with Him. He desires to know you. Call out to Him. The Bible says that all we have to do to enter into a relationship with God is to call upon His name, believe, repent of our sins & ask Him to change us. No matter what we've done He is always faithful to forgive us, restore us & love us unconditionally.  
 "If you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame." For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile--the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."
~Romans 10:9-13)

These are a few of the Bible verses I’ve had on repeat in my head:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
~Philippians 4:6-7

Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.
~Matthew 11:28

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
~Jeremiah 29:11

What are some verses that help you get through hard days?

Over the past couple of months, waiting has seemed to be the main theme in our journey, but I can see so many other little themes & big lessons too. Through the waiting, God is working & teaching & changing us. It's not easy but we know this growth is for our good & His purposes.

Would you be praying for us? The wait is very hard…but we believe God’s timing is perfect. Please pray for our hearts to rest in His peace. We trust Him regardless of whatever answer we receive, but it’s not easy. We need the prayers of many to help lift us up.

Little Baby K, will you ever know how much we love you?! I sure hope so. You are so worth every second of this hope & heartbreak. We love you & cannot wait to meet you!
 (Photo by Eva Cranford Photography)

I'm so thankful for the blessing of my husband. He's been my rock
(Photo by Carolynn Seibert Photography) 

Thanks for continuing to "press in" with us…Your support, encouragement & prayers mean the world. 

1 comment:

  1. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. Isaiah 43:1-3