Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Faith, Fertility & Family Update

With the spring season comes refreshment, beauty & the promise of new life. I have been soaking up this beautiful weather every chance I get! I'm currently sitting outside on this gorgeous spring day, listening to the birds chirp & enjoying the warm sunshine on my face. Isabel is running around the yard exploring & blowing bubbles while her brother naps inside. Lately I've been prompted by the Lord to share where we are in the journey of growing our family, so here we go… 

As the season recently changed & winter slowly gave way to spring, I also felt a season of change within my heart & in my spiritual walk with the Lord. As the dark days turned to light & the brown leaves turned green, I couldn’t help but acknowledge the symbolism deep within. There's been a slow & steady thawing happening in me for a while now. As I’ve come to the end of a season of winter in my faith, God has been removing many of the “dead parts” of me in preparation for this “new season.” Last week, as I was reflecting & praying, He gave me the word, “prune.” The definition is spot on to what He’s done & is still doing in me.

  trim (a tree, shrub, or bush) by cutting away dead or overgrown branches or stems, especially to increase fruitfulness and growth.

As the dead parts have fallen away, hope has begun budding in my heart. I am excited about what God is doing in my walk with Him & in our journey as a family. 

I've shared plenty about our infertility struggles over the past couple of years, but I usually share after the fact. Even after years of walking through infertility, it's still hard for me to share in real time what we are struggling through when it comes to this intimate, sensitive & complex topic. In our current season, I feel prompted by Him to share about what's new & ongoing for us when it comes to our fertility journey. Even so, it's hard for me to find the right words for this post. I'm trusting He has a purpose in leading me to share, and hope others will be encouraged by our continued openness.

It’s been three years since God led us to shift gears from fertility related efforts to adoption. Over the past couple of years, adoption has been our main focus, but we’ve never stopped TTC. We put fertility related efforts on the backburner & let the Lord lead the growth of our family as He saw fit. We have been incredibly blessed by our two beautiful children, Isabel & Noah (both adopted at birth). I am fulfilled in my motherhood & certainly have my hands full these days! We are grateful for the way adoption has changed our lives, hearts & family forever.

For a long time, I wasn’t ready to open the door to fertility treatment or doctors again. Within the last year, I started to feel the Lord slowly preparing my heart to revisit our fertility. As we prayed and talked about our options, we felt led to learn more about natural fertility treatment. Over the past 7 months, we have been using the Creighton Method charting to prepare us for our first appointment with a doctor trained in Napro Technology. You can learn more about Creighton & Napro here.

Through using Creighton Model charting, we’ve been able to learn more about my cycles, fertility & health, as well as identify some of the issues surrounding our infertility. We are hopeful the Napro doctor will be able to address & treat these issues, as well as dig deeper into the causes of our infertility. Over the last few years, in addition to not being able to conceive, my emotional & physical health has been affected by the underlying issues that are contributing to our infertility. I am hopeful this natural approach will help give me relief & restore balance to my body. We have our first appointment at the Gianna Center tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. I feel a lot of peace in my spirit about this type of fertility approach, so although I am a little nervous about the appointment, I’m mostly excited & ready to take this step.

This new season is about re-visiting our fertility, but it’s mostly about walking in relationship with Him. I’ve realized that sometimes I focus so much on what’s He’s doing & where He’s leading, and in the process I end up missing HIM! I knew I wouldn’t be able to move forward with re-evaluating our fertility if my relationship with the Lord wasn’t in a healthy place. It's taken a while to get here, to this place of fully trusting Him with my desires & walking hand in hand with Him as I face the unknowns of our fertility again. I’ve been slowly working through a lot of fear, disappointment, doubt & unbelief. I’ve had to remove the protective walls I’ve built around my heart & surrender the coping mechanisms I’ve developed in order to fully open my heart to Him. As a result, I’ve been able to begin to process my honest feelings, thoughts & beliefs & allow His truth to reshape the way I feel & think, as well as redefine what I believe. 

Re-evaluating our fertility is also going hand in hand with Cary & I rejuvenating our relationship. So much LIFE has happened in the past few years… While there’s been incredible joy & SO many life-giving blessings, we’ve also walked through a lot of hard situations & complex issues that have been life-draining & life-changing (infertility, two adoptions, career changes, job loss, multiple moves, financial set backs, loss of family members, etc.) In this new season, we are being intentional to focus more on time with each other, strengthening our communication & continuing to fight to reclaim the intimacy infertility has stolen from us. I’m excited about the refreshment & new life the Lord is breathing into our marriage during this season! 

We would appreciate your prayers tomorrow morning as we meet with the fertility doctor & make a plan on how to move forward. I’m not sure how many answers we will be given tomorrow, or even how much they can do for us, but we feel confident that it’s time to move forward in faith to find out. Pray for our hearts to be filled with His peace, wisdom & hope as we take this step! We will keep y'all updated. 

As always, thanks for loving our family so well as we share our adventures with you. We are thankful for the many people who continue to follow along & lift us up in prayer. Y’all are amazing!

With love,

"We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." ~Romans 5:3-5

P.s. If you are also in a season of wait & looking for encouragement, I highly recommend the devotionals In Due Time & In TheWait. I am currently reading In The Wait. It is filled with truth & is an incredible resource for spiritual growth. 

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